i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
