this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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