i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
