I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
she told me i tasted like america
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
