my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
