Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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