wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
