just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize