I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
