Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
