I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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