im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
