Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
