oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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