SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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