I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
