You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
