One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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