in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you didnt know i had herpes?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Two words: blizzard sex
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize