It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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