She is in my trunk
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize