so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
