Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
