He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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