Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
