No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
