We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
