remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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