I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
