Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
