he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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