My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
