Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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