Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
