Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
