we have officially lost it.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
