You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
