How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
