It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
