Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
