wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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