I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
