don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
