Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
