idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
