I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
