just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
