just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
