Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
