i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
