I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
