Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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