Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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