You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
