I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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