fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
