Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize