Where is the hickey?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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