youre lurking in front of me
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
