Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
