so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
