i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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