After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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