I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
we're so committed to being not committed
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
