Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize
