My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize