i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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