Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
