I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
