kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
