i was born a porn star she said
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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