And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
