I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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