I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
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