2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize