Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
