So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
