we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
