I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
