Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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