i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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