I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize