I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
