i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
