i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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