tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Sober January is a disaster.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
