hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You smell like stripper and shame
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
