Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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