Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
