Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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