i don't like sucking hair
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
