I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
