Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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