Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize