yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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