Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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