Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
