Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
