You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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