So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
