Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
