She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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