she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize