when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm just crazy horny about you
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
