We need to rekindle our bromance
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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