At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
