do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
