So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
