Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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