he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I have already put on my inside pants.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize