that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
