my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i drank out of a bidet.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
