She is in my trunk
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
