Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
