maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize