The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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