Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
