Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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