just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
